

  All Discussions  |  

  Welcome Post  |  

  SIG's Charter  |  

  Direct Messages  |   

  Categories  |  

  How-To(Forum)

Anniversary

Andrew

Today is the first anniversary of my stroke. Like everyone here, this was of earth-shattering proportions in the sense that life would never be the same again. Despite my being unconscious at the time, my younger son got the following from a medical doctor, “oh him, he’ll be all right”, which put the family at some sort of ease. Even now I try not to think about what I must have put my wife and kids and others though. However, it has assumed huge proportions for me and was a call to arms. But no-one told me how much hard work and dedication that would entail!

One of the things that I have learnt is not to give up, a second is to maintain one’s sense of humour. Both serve to maintain one’s hope when things are negative, and I have needed that. Don’t always trust to your memory either, for that too can mislead badly at time. I wish that I had started a journal.

So I thought that today is significant, and what better to do than to choose special clothing - sorry if that seems a little naff. I had wondered whether today marked a major negative milestone and is to be got though, for there apparently was a period when my life was in the balance, Or… to celebrate the day I got a second chance for not everyone has that luxury. So I have decided to wear a white T-shirt with a coloured charicature of a few cyclists on the front (Google: trespass, t-shirt, apache). The white indicates purity, a new start; the cyclists depict what I used to do a lot of, and that to which I am aiming and to which I must return. Both describe how things are now.

All the very best to all. Even though I do not have the same experience or don’t know you particularly well yet, I think about others a lot. I would like to help but often have no idea. Sometimes it would be nice to have someone with roughly the same experience as me as a mentor - perhaps, hopefully, such a person exists. In the meantime I’ll follow my nose and target those things which need to be targetted.

EmeraldEyes

Andrew 🥳🥳🥳 Congratulations on reaching your 1st anniversary 👏👏👏🥳
And the only way is up from here on 😄

Andrew I would like to help but often have no idea.

But you are helping, you are contributing, you are telling your story from real life experience. That’s basically all any of us do. That’s not something you get from a hospital or doctor because they don’t have that real life knowledge or true comprehension of it. It just evolves naturally, instinctively as you read and reply to posts, before you know it you are reassuring, advising, making suggestions based on your own lived experience.
Just let it come naturally, there’s no hurry 😉

Andrew Don’t always trust to your memory either, for that too can mislead badly at time.
Don’t be such a pessimist, oh ye of little faith 😉😁
Your memory will improve too over time, I know that from my own experience and my short term memory is certainly a lot more reliable than it was a year ago. The more active you become in your recovery, the more you improve, the reliable your memory gets. Because you depending on it more often to not let you down. It’s an exercise in itself😄 And before you know it, instead of “oh sugar, I forgot my dental appointment…again”, you start anticipating and planning what else you can do while you are out that way instead and you actually remember on the day 😁

Your balance and stability can still improve, again as mine did, between a year to 18 months after my stroke. In the past ⅘ months I’ve discovered I’m actually stable enough to run. Which kind of shocked me at the gym the day I discovered that because I was only aiming to try to jog. But I nearly tripped over my feet as my brain hadn’t quite caught up with the plan 😅
And having a stroke does have its uses, in time you’ll learn when and where to take advantage of it, and you can make others laugh too 😉 😇

Many more happy tomorrows 😊
Lorraine

Ingo66

Andrew Congratulations on your first year anniversary! 🎉.
Keep up the good work but don’t be too disappointed if you encounter set backs or periods of slow/no progress. It is a war you can’t completely win, but there are many battles you can win.

Don’t expect the old you and make the best of the new one. Lean on friends (like us lot) when you need to (& you will).

All the best on your journey 😁
Mark

Pando

Congrats, and Happy stroke-versary, Andrew, and welcome to your 3rd phase of life. I know what you mean about wishing for a mentor to guide you through recovery. Here’s where I introduce you to Ronald (was also my grandfather’s name). Ronald is 2 years and 3 moths old ; he’s a beginner, but he does have Roland as a pro guide. The two are strikingly similar in appearance, but only in outward appearance. They don’t always get along, but they need to; yes, they are forced to join forces. Ronald must observe Roland closely to regain elegance and capability; Roland must use use every ounce of his brain to study what is the best path for Ronald to take. Lately, Roland discovered pandiculation, and Ronald has acquired a new tool which he has already started to embrace.

Don’t forget there are two sides to everything. One side will play safe and retreat, the other side will be happy-go-lucky and fearless. Logically we must take the middle-ground ; the beautifully calculated risk. I wouldn’t worry about negative / positive feelings ; they will always fluctuate depending on circumstance. But having a plan of action is great. It gets us from A to B… somehow, and keeps us busy. May you always have a plan of action, and enjoy the plan, the action, and the sense of achievement before that cycle restarts, and you embark on the next journey.

Very happy to have met you,
I predict you will do outstandingly well, all considered,
Ciao, Roland

Andrew

Very nice to have met you (and Ronald) too. Your email is very helpful, and encourages me greatly, perhaps more than you think.

I had to look up the word, pandiculation, although that might have been part of your plan! Devious, if deliberate. I have found out that I do that automatically upon waking up, perhaps more so than before the stroke. And it does remind me of a cat waking up. And I used to think nothing of it.

As you will have noticed from my various messages, I do not play utterly safe. I am really keen to recover all that I have lost. My belief is that I will eventually achieve that. However, there is a difference between taking a calculated risk and being reckless. This, I believe, is what you are talking about. If so, then yes, I am guilty and I will continue in this way. I do need the occasional success to keep this going, though, and I am mindful that we are in this for the long term. We have to gee up each other, especially since we can be living in different countries!

Pando

Andrew pandiculation is great for us fiddlers, for who else could fine tune their muscle tone so exactly as to produce dynamics and expression, let alone achieve mere mechanical mastery of an instrument? This is how it works ; say I want to work on my biceps ; (perhaps I have even lost some of my motor control and somatosensory mapping of said muscle?). I tense it 55% of max. I hold it there ; I reduce it to 45% for 20 secs ; then I reduce it to 25% for 30 secs, lastly I relax it until it is 15% contracted and wait for a minute before I reduce to zero. I repeat with variation holding it for double at each stage. After the 2nd try I have expanded my brain’s awareness and knowledge of said muscle ; I have enlarged the part of my brain that maps out that muscle. Now I continue holding each stage for 30 seconds ; 0 / 35% / 40% / 28% / 24 % / 42% / 44% / 30% / 15% / 0 I carry on with more variations starting and stopping at 0 ; each time my bicep map expands as I explore and gain more awareness. Every day I revisit the exercise for 20 minutes adding variations always different ; Example, I try at 10 second intervals 0 then 25 / 24 / 23 / 22 / 20 / 0. Actually I do this with my gluteus maximus, but you can pick any muscle you like. The point is to increase mapping of any muscle (or muscle group) and to have a tool that can get me from rudimentary control to refined control. In the meantime, I am well on my way to unlocking a spasm which has persisted for almost 2 years ! The combo = pandiculation + increased control (natural course of healing after stroke). This is guided neuroplasticity, used to maximize recovery. Though I’m nowhere near your level, because my stroke was so severe. It matters not. What matters is that I have a plan I can work on with a joyful heart !!

Anyway, we each have our work ; I have noticed I get results regularly, but I rely on nobody. I listen to my team, but they have not lived through a severe stroke, so I am on my own. We did not choose this life, but life is about playing the cards we are dealt. Let’s embrace that, and make the most of it !!

Ciao, and speak soon, Roland

Andrew

Hi Roland,

Thank you for the info.

Hmmm, the biceps. Interesting. This is definitely worth looking at in detail. I have started a regime of trying to play the violin daily, maybe only five minutes a go. Pizzicato isn’t very good, for I keep plucking other strings, and vision doesn’t help greatly because of the stroke. It is slowly improving, which is great, and it does show that the left hand hasn’t really been affected at all. Result!

Bowing is terrible though! Often it takes me 30s just to get the bow on the string, and then the movement (only in the top half) is jerky, but at least it is happening. Sometimes the wobbles are so great that I have to stop, re-adjust the bow grip, and then try again. My wife thinks that it too is improving, but I am not yet convinced.

So there is a long way to go. Writing has to help, as does trying to refill a large lego container brick-by-brick, and various other arm exercises that I do daily. It has to work! Maybe I need to try visualization techniques. I haven’t mentioned to you guys that during the first week of my hospitalization, when I was mainly unconscious, Beethoven’s Romance in G kept going though my head. For those who don’t know it, it begins with a long statement by the violin using double stops, effectively two melodies at once. The fingering is awkward, but I determined that one day I would play this again for people. Yes, it is on my bucket list.

Pando

Biceps, triceps, psoas major, psoas minor, iliacus, (hip flexors) but can be any muscle you want.

Love the Romance in G. I start it fingering 23 21 23… do you? I had the score of the Martinu 2nd Concerto dedicated to Elman that kept me company, as well as a Pfretzschner bow under my bed. I didn’t know I would not be able to play again. I don’t think I will ever, but that’s not my first concern ; I just wish to walk freely and not in pain one day. If I can paint a watercolour or 2 that will keep me busy, expressively

ciao, Roland

Andrew

Hi! Will have to check out what you have said. Sounds interesting and effective.

I’m concerned that I sound too chipper given what others are going though, including yourself.

Re the Beethoven, yes, 23, 21, 23 is the standard way to start and even then it is tricky to make it sound natural. Sometimes I have tried, 23, 32, 23 to see how how natural I can make that sound, by which I mean not to let others know by listening what I am doing. A bit more tricky, but it was worth it if only as an exercise in whether it could be done. I reckon that old Ludwig didn’t play the violin!

I have contented myself with cane bows by Cocker, both violin and viola. But at present I am using a carbon fibre bow from China. Only £80, just in case it gets dropped. The latter shines in UV so its no good for the opening of the second act of Ruddigore! Apologies to the non-violinists, but it’s really like the loss of an old and dear friend, a bereavement.

Pando

Andrew Chipper and chirpy good… very good. Now I know what those fishing rods (I mean carbon fibre bows) are for ; good thinking they should survive a fall if not…. Lawrence Cocker’s split cane bows also inspired by fishing rods!
I did what I call a double circuit at King’s Weston this morning ; not a great performance, but I shuffled around I suppose…

Ciao, Roland

Andrew

Cocker two (not a bird) actually belongs to my wife. I have Cocker one (from school days in the 70s) and Cocker three (a fairly recent Ebay purchase, and made by Cocker’s daughter for Lawence Cocker was dead by then). Yes, six triangular pieces of cane which are bent then glued and finally spliced at both ends with pernambuco. I still find it astonishing that I still haven’t heard of any which have come unstuck. Not bad at all for a £500 bow. The viola versions (we have one each, both Ebay) are bigger of course. The frog for Cocker two is a bit wider than the other two violin bows.

Very glad you are able to get out into the fresh air even if it is a shuffle. This will extend as you get used to it. Walking is an example of a little victory. I used to have to stop at a lowered kerb (first with the zimmer, then eventually without), align myself, then decide which foot to move first, think about the exit strategy, check for cars (with my helper present and often being held), and only then would I move tentatively. Now, some months later, it is all very natural and most of the time I don’t even think about these things - old times are back at least in that regard - apart from the checking for cars. I don’t bother getting to the lowered part either. Actually, the more that I think about it the bigger a victory it seems, colossal really, and it involves such a lot of different actions. It is also a very good example of neuroplasticity in action.

Best wishes, A.

Andrew

EmeraldEyes Thank you much for your very encouraging reply. Really appreciated.

I did try returning to jogging for a while a few months ago, late summer. Still a bit worried about limits on the heart rate then, but still only 13 minute miles over 0.4 mile. I was 10 minute mileing over many miles before the stroke - still slow but I was almost 15 stones at the time; BMI 32. Now I am in the 12 stones (BMI 27ish) but much slower and hardly any distance at all! But, as you say, I will improve, and I will be faster with the sweat once more on the brow! Maybe not today though - the snow may not be deep but it is crisp and even!

Andrew

Thank you, Mark, for your kind words and the congrats. I’ll try my best, fortified by everyone here, and see how it goes.

In the summer I was too emotional with the violin playing. I had lost so much, and the right arm tremors meant that it took tens of seconds just to get the bow on the string. A few moments later the bow would lose it and wobble like crazy, and then I would lose it - you know what I mean. Now it is different. I try things out just for 5 minutes on a daily basis, its still rubbish but in a sense I now don’t care. I am looking for that slow progress occasionally, and this is now merely something I have to do, no emotion anymore. It is very freeing, and I can use that freedom in the rest of life too. Yesterday’s few minutes of pizzicato was a progress and it was at least 12 notes before I accidentally hit another string - I hope that that is at least established when I try again in a little while. Life can be exciting! What will happen?!

Andrew

Just to say that the pizzicato is as good as yesterday, but the bowing action shows some signs of minor improvment. It still takes getting on for 20 seconds to will the bow onto the string without shaking, but once on I did a one octave scale slowly without collapsing. Still with the shakes in general, but something is getting better. Je suis un lapin heureuse, or something like that.

Scroll-Me :)\<-&->


  All Discussions  |  

  Welcome Post  |  

  SIG's Charter  |  

  Direct Messages  |   

  Categories  |  

  How-To(Forum)